armas

Laura, sa oled nii armas. Ma sain su sõnumi kätte facebookis ja see oli nii armas... Aitäh. Sa aitasid mul keerata uue lehekülje. Üks parimaid kinke mida inimene võib teha.
Ma tean, ma olen muutunud, kuid eks kõik inimesed muutu aja jooksul... Aeg annab oma õppetunnid ja oma haavad mida varahommikutel, kui päike vallutab maa, kasteses murus ravid lootes vaid heale...
On ju ometi tõsi, mitte üks päev su elus pole raiskamiseks. Iga päev on elamiseks. Ja kui see tähendab oleviku nautimist ning julgusega tulevikku astumist, siis olgu nii. Kuni veel mul on olemas mu naeratus, on mul õnn.

alone

So this is how it feels to be alone for so long you forget how to communicate... No matter, I have been in this position before, I should now how to handle it. Besides, it's not like I haven't been alone on my birthdays before. I never had any birthday parties really. The only one I did have, when I was small, had only one guest. She didn't really like the cake either...

Ok, on a different matter, I need a place to stay asap. Tyoda's arrival time is getting closer every day and I am feeling more and more worried every day. 2 weeks and 6 days left... wow. can't believe he is coming home...

I decided I maybe should go ahead with Japanese and Korean studies. I have been planning on studying them, I just never took the time. But now I am really planning on doing it. Who knows, it might turn out to be the best thing I ever did.. :)

Laura, at least you could call... every once in a while...

Libra

They are blessed with brilliant and analytical brains. Librans make good judges, pr consultants, diplomats. Read about their other careers.
Libra is an airy sign and symbolized by the balance which shows equilibrium of mind. They love conversation, banter and exchanging ideas and have exceptional communication skills which are an asset in any office environment.
Librans are born with a sense of fairness and justice and look at both sides of a coin before arriving at a decision. They have the capacity to make impartial judgements and once they have arrived at a conclusion on the subject, they will not tolerate arguments. This makes them ideally suited to be diplomats, judges, referees, counselors, psychologists. Helping and supporting people brings them a great deal of happiness. They also make good public relations consultants, and artists.
Librans can make great salespeople provided they deal with luxury products. They have a great love for luxury and can be rather extravagant. Librans have good taste and a love for beauty, they will transform their work spaces and homes into exquisite spaces. Their natural artistic flair will help them become successful artists, interior decorators, graphic designers, painters and so on. They also have a keen sense of observation and pay attention to detail while working which is important to artistic careers. Music, dance and other art forms will also captivate them and they will have a strong tendency to gravitate towards them.
The worst careers for Librans are conventional ones like bank tellers, accountants and secretaries. The worst quality of the Libra horoscope is having an unsteady mind that oscillates between different decisions and this does impact their abilities to head an organization successfully.
Their natural sense of mediation and peace-keeping will stand them good stead in office. They hate to hurt anyone and will work around things diplomatically. They are hard workers and good communicators. They can be high performance individuals provided the office environment gives them peace and harmony. They are efficient and do not procrastinate.
Libra bosses can multi-task with agility and appear unruffled in the face of pressure. They are highly intelligent and have the gift of the gab which makes it easy for them to impress, persuade and sway people to their point of view with a mere speech or conversation. They will insist on getting all the facts together before making a decision. Libra bosses can either be the greatest givers or the stingiest bosses.
Librans who pick the right career will be able to leave a distinctive stamp on all they do.


true story. I could not have described myself any better...

I miss you

I think I am going to call you Tyoda from now on. I think it makes sense...
I miss you Tyoda. I miss you so much I don't even know how to express it anymore. I think it's because I love you more and more every day. And I am not afraid to admit it anymore. I don't want my world to pass me by without other people knowing I have someone to love. And it makes me stronger. It makes me strong enough to fight my battles alone when you need me to. And I miss you.
However, there is only a month more to way for you to return to me.
I still remember the hug we had at the airport the last time I sent you off. I couldn't open my mouth to say anything because I knew it wouldn't change anything. You'd still leave. But the children need you, and I am so proud of you. And I wish you to be happy where you are. I wish you well.
I miss you.

Daily dose of no one to talk to

Yes, I did just copy someone else's blog title, but I think it's ok. I mean it will probably happen to you some day anyway, might as well admit it. So I do have a daily dose of no one to talk to. Well, almost every day actually. How lame is that? No wonder I have forgotten how to comunicate.. I think soon I will be talking mjäu njäu all the time because my cats are the only ones who really listen to me. Except my sister but that doesn't count :D
Anyway, this whole week my placement at Draamateater has been a mix of laughter and lonelyness and awe and getting lost. Yes, the place was built s a humangous labyrinth for all the toy humans to run around in it. I think I am the only one who doesn't understand the logic in that building. But i will! one day!
I found this video in youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gdCjQw6Lb8
and it's the most funniest videos of all time which includes someone eating an ice cream. It's also the one reason why I sometimes burst out laughing for no reason and embarass myself...
I had an idea to make vlogs and stuff and stupid videos which to upload in youtube... and then my sister decided to take a video of me doing stupid things and embarassing things and nothing really...and right now I had my brother come into my room wearing my sisters fluffy underwear :D:D:D now that was a sight to see...

anyone interested in talking to me? anyone? no?... no one?... no? am I really that lame? that lame??

karma is a bitch

Yes, karma is a bitch. Why am I fraid of publishing my feelings?

The experiences one goes through when learning the craft of stage management, can be summed up by a quote from the founder of Royal Shakespeare Company and the director of National Theatre in London, Peter Hall:

““Perhaps, therefore, ideal stage managers not only need to be calm and meticulous professionals who know their craft, but masochists who feel pride in rising above impossible odds.””

instru mental o_o

life will pass you by, no matter what. It is in your hands to make the most of it.

It's not because of the virtues I have, but because of the shadows I don't have.

You are a nobody until somebody loves you.

A small piece of truth can hurt more than a whole lie.

Sleep distincts you from yesterday. Sleep well.

Only the smallminded wouldn't judge a person by their appearance.

Dissertation

dissertation

dissertation

dissertation

dissertation

disseration

disertation

dissertaiton

disseratiojn

dissertation

dissertationõ

dissertatioj

dsseration

dissertopaodfjfj#¤&¤%/(89'"¤"!%(=)&02**>!!!!!!?=?!!!....................

pug

multum in parvo "much in little".

on my mind

These times are getting harder and harder, as you could have guessed... The sun is in full fire out side and I have to spend my days inside trying to write something when obviously i should be out probably in search of a beach or something. In just one day the weather turned from mild warm-ish to 18 degrees Celsius and lots of sweat.... as if summer decided to come extra early, at the time when trees are still in bloom.. I have discovered my interest in puppetry. It came as an accident but I find it very interesting, especially when I love making stuff with my hands. My first puppet head came out a little heavy, and concidering it was made in a wrong way anyway, it is no suprise I have to make 3 new ones.... and I still don't have any idea how to make the 12 heads on a rod, but we will figure it out. If not, I'll be in a deep pile of shite.... I have 2 people on my mind, both fighting for the first place. L, sa tead kui kurb ma olin seda uudist kuuldes, ma ei kujuta ette kuidas sa hakkama saad, aga ma olen vaga uhke sinu yle. Ei joua oodata kuni kohtume.. tean kuhu teatrisse teid viin... T, I am very happy we made that plan. I would love to come to the land of the rising sun for some time, but I need to get some money together for that. And my courage.. I know you know how selfish you are but I know it is but stubborness.

The time has come to stop playing and start taking this university assignments pile seriously. I know i am 2,5 years late but never say never! At least my new work is fun....

Kings Of Convenience - Power of Not Knowing

I see you changing girl

From Day to Day

Impressed by and trying to imitate

Those who are older

Those who are colder

Suddenly embarrassed by your age



Our bigger blessing, girl

Is being young

The power of not knowing

Where you belong



I try so hard to keep it

Not to lose that secret

Waiting for someone like you

To come along



Maybe it was me

That made you old

Stole whatever it was that

Made you glow

A little touch of something

A lot of work for nothing

And now our heart, once open,

Will be closed

koduigatsus

Sul Annan Andeks Kõik

Laur Lomper/Tõnu Timm

Seni kuni järv on kinnisjääs,
lahti veel on järvest ülepääs.
Aeg ei ole möödas, aeg on käes -
tule üle vee
mul pada lee pääl keeb
kruusi teen sul kuuma meega teed.

Mis sest, et mõrkjas maik
on siin su õige paik.
Sa tõsta pilk, kui veidi võid -
sul annan andeks kõik.

Räägi, kui sa vaikida ei saa.
Lahti kisu hing ja hingehaav.
Räägi, kuni vaikus võtab maad
ning siis tule poe
mu kaissu, siin on soe
valeta - ei mäleta, ei loe.

Mis sest, et mõrkjas maik
on siin su õige paik.
Sa tõsta pilk, kui veidi võid -
sul annan andeks kõik.

Sul annan andeks kõik
on siin su õige paik.
Sa tõsta pilk, kui veidi võid -
sul annan andeks kõik.
Las püsib hetk üks silmapilk.
Jah sinu võit!
Sul annan andeks kõik.

See on Eestimaa kutsumas mind koju. Ei saa sellest üle ega ümber.

Ei jõua oodata kuni lõpuks koju jõuan.....

Üits Paigake

üits paigake ilman on viil
üits paigake miu jaoss
kost üitskõrd alassi tii
ei tää mis saass, kui ta kaoss

sääld paigast mia lövvä kikke
mis süämel armas om
sääl paigav või mia ikke
ku süämel rasse om

vanavanembe ellive sääl
viil eläs sääl miu emä
latse laiali ilmä pääl
nõnda üksinde jäänu temä

sii paigake ilman om viil
ta jäänu om miu jaoss
ei tää mis mia sõs tii
kui üitskõrd ta ära kaoss

Eestimaa, sind alati südames kaasas kannan

oma hingehaavad sul valvata annan

Once I wanted to be the greatest

I guess I still need some of it

But as you go along the road that winds across the water upto the hills

you seem to have given up on it.

Will you ever see how these last dreams tell you everything you need

And all of these mountains and hills

I guess these roads never wind along alone

but they always seem to bend on the crossroads

These hills across the water you see you never actually getting there

because there is something in this world that you cannot denie

but you can't even describe

as it breaks away inside

and you feel all the storms fell in one and it breaks your heart as you walk along alone

on your pathway home

and these smells in the air remind you of her

and you wipe a tear from your cheek, you fear

those memories coming near

and they swell up your mind and they fall out of place

telling you you've missed your pace

on this road across the water

upto those hills

rumer

Vahel lihtsalt juhtub, et mõtled, et on kiire ja mõtled, et teed kõik mis tarvis siis kui jälle aega on aga kui see aeg tuleb ja on aega siis ei ole enam ühtegi mõtet peas, et mis tegema pidi... Ja päevast saab öö... Mul õnnestus astuda oma prillidele, milline õnn, nüüd jään vast kõõrdsilmseks kah. Aga pole muret, niikaua kui prilliraam veel koos püsib ja ühe kõrvaga neid üleval hoian, saab hakkama ;)

Oli hea lugeda lillekese blogist, et mu sõnum siiski temani jõudis. Ei jõua oodata kuni sa oma kingakesed siiapoole teele paned koos endaga. Meil palju vestelda. Loodan, et saad oma fotoka asja korda, et saaksid kooli jaoks pilte teha. Fotograafil ju ikka fotokat vaja.

Muide, kui keegi kunagi Inglise maksusüsteemi korralikult mõistab, ehk viitsib mullegi seletada? Ei oska midagi arvatagi enam sellel teemal. Tavaliselt on parem lihtsalt usaldada riigiajusid, aga kui neil miski valesti, mida meie inimesed siis teeme? Jookseme ringi pea laiali ja süüdistame riiki, eesti mõistes Toompea pingipühkijaid. Samas, leidsin, et poliitika võid huvitav olla, The Thick Of It on näiteks väga põnev seriaal ja In The Loop, mis sellest seriaalist tuli on ka päris põnev. Nii äge kui Malcom oleks reaalne tegelane riigikogus :D oi see oleks põnev...ja ropp, aga see teebki asja põnevaks. Eriti kui kõik ministrid on idioodid ja nende ideed veel hullemad.

Veel kaks filmisoovitust, mõlemad Korea filmid. Käisin Enriquega Korean Centre'is Rough Cut vaatamas, väga põnev oli. Ja tuli välja, et see film on ühe näitleja kirjutatud tõsiloode põhjal. Kui film lõpuni jõudis sain täiesti aru miks, kelle jaoks ja kuidas.. pikk jutt.

Teine film, vaatasime eila kodus Filmi I'm a Cyborg, But That's Ok, päris lahe oli. Tegevus leidis aset hullumajas hullude keskel ja väga põnev oli vaadata kuidas nende endi uskumused ka teiste hullude uskumises sisaldus. Huvitav kas see ka juhtub päriselus, aga ega me vist iialgi ei tea.

Täna õhta on Rumeri kontserdile minek, loodan, et saan ikka sisse kui Ta cd ostab. Minu arust väga hea, et selline pakkumine on, aga samas on arusaadav miks, kui vaadata ümberringi ja nende promotion käib iga nurga peal. Nii hea laulja, et ei olegi ehk nii palju publicityt vaja, ehk hääl räägib enda eest. Elton John oli küll ülimalt huvitatud.

Talvehõngu on õhus tunda, tuues uusi tuttavaid lõhnu. On veel üks kord vaja kohvikust läbi käija ja olengi valmis talveks. Praegu aga päike paistab rõõmsalt aknast sisse ja arvuti paistab vastu andes mulle hullema silmavalu.

Koolist ainult niipalju, et ma lõpuks ometi tean mida ma kirjutama hakkan oma lõpu uurimustööks, mille üle on väga hea meel. Ja dissertation proposali kirjutasin juba valmis, aint editida vaja... jeerum jeerum ma ei oska enam eesti keeltki...

Hmm, ei jõua oodata kui saaks eluga edasi.

Atsushi koduleht sai ka valmis, ei leidnud praegu seda üles, ehk hiljem... väga andekas disainer. Ja talle meeldis eestis väga.

Palun mõista, meil on valed kellad, sükroniseerimata

Tahan leida selle õige tee. Nagu siis kui ma poole tunniga sain plaani kokku meisterdatud, et kuhu ma lähen ja mis ma teen....seiklus missugune. Aga ma ei jaga seda plaani, muidu rikub ära vms. Loodame. Ja eks näis. Eriti kui mees on jälle aafrikasse minemas, mul hea meel, et ta teab mis ta tahab teha ja kuhu minna ja kellele tagasi anda. Mul nii hea meel ka selle üle, et ta proovib nii palju endast anda. Oeh, kui sa vaid teaks mu südames toimub.

Tahan kunsti valda, kuidagi olen kunsti vallas olnud elu aeg, nüüd ehk peaks endast hakkama andma seda midagi. Kui kellelgi on vaja midagi kunsti vallas, andke teada. Mul on kogemusi vaja, nagu siin iga asja kohta.

Tahan korea keelt rääkida.

Tahan raha teenida, et ma leiaks rohkem inspiratsiooni kui mul tekib võimalus kohvikuid külastada ja sõpradele süüa teha. Oleks tore kui mul oleks võimalus normaalselt elada...

see sõna, parisienne, nii kentsik aga ilus ja voolis mulle pisikese filmikese sinust trammis seismas ja omaette naeratamas. Sa oled alati nii ilus olnud. Midagi mis iial ei kao.

Oeh, täna oli teatris jälle istumine, kahjuks pidin lahkuma enne teist istumist. Loodan, et nad ei pahanda. Halva ennetamine on alati hea, kas pole?

Aga homme saab nalja, eks näis kui palju hiiri ja muid elukaid teatri kontorist leiame. Saab toa puhtamaks ka, midagi mida on kaua oodatud. Pay As You Go ajal pidime hakkama saama ilma kõlariteta, nüüd Hotel Sorrento jaoks hangiti need, et olla kaasaegsemad, aga kontoris pole ruumi liikuda ja minu koristatud laud on taas kuhja all. Jeerum jeerum, nagu üksikmehed elaks seal. Hmm...iroonia missugune.

Lee on hea poiss, alles 19 aga juba resident stage manager, milline au ja kuulsus oma cv-sse panna. Aga pole ima ka, pole juba paar kuud ju magada saanud. Söömisest rääkimata.

Olgu, inimesed, lähen taas oma tööotsimise juurde..

Nüüd taas asusin kirjutama. Ma ei tea küll miks aga mul alati vaja seda inspiratsiooni. Seda inspiratsiooni mida õhkab Wolf girli blogist ja ma kuidagi tunnen kui õnnelik sa oled. Mul on nii hea meel. On vahemaad küll pikad, aga ei saa parata sinna midagi. Palun aga vabandust, et kustutasin endised sissekirjutised ära. Ei tundnud, et need minu omad oleks või minu kohta käiks. Nagu aasta otsa juba on olnud. Imelik.

Imelik kui palju inimesi on siin ilmas, kes ei mõista, et nende uudishimulik pilk võib haavata.

Pean veel ära ootama Oktoobri lõpuni, siis ehk saab natuke aimu mis minuga toimub. Äkki ongi epilepsia, kes teab. Aga seniks, pean töö leidma. Ei ole raha millega see kuu enam oma üüri maksta. Kool ka ei osanud midagi öelda ega arvata ja laenu enam see aasta neil ei ole. Jama lugu.

Aga jah, eks pressime edasi ja näeme. Mul on vahel olnud paar mõtet, et kui teeks sulle üllatuse. Ei tea mis nägu sa teeks.

Vähemalt on mul praegu ilusad juuksed.

Banaanikook peaks kohe kohe valmis saama. Lõhnab küll keelt alla viivalt. mmm

sulle

Tere taas mu kallikene,

mesimummude kodupaik....

Su juured suuremad on nüüd,

ning su embus...nii hea..

Kord kui elasin su süles

sul rääkida sain kõik.

Sõnadega või mitte,

aga ikkagi kõik..

Kord su naerust toitusin

meeltesegadusest tingimata.

Kuulasin su ausaid mõtteid,

kuid nüüd...nüüd meil enam ei vea...

Nüüd tahan sul öelda, et oled mu arm,

su embusse soovin ma veel ja veel

mis sest, et nüüd on hilja

meil andestada möödunu see...